Why Avoiding What You Want Makes Perfect Sense

It is Self-Protection — Not Self-Sabotage

If you’re navigating a life transition — no longer in the old, not quite in the new — you know the feeling. You want clarity. You want movement. And yet… something in you resists the very thing you say you want.

Maybe you’re a coach, healer, or creative in a moment of change — letting go of what no longer fits, but not yet anchored in what comes next. This “in-between” space can feel confusing and confronting. You’re aware of your desires… and still, you pause. Delay. Stall.

From the outside, it might look like procrastination, perfectionism, or fear of failure. You might even label yourself as stuck or self-sabotaging.

But what if it’s something else entirely?

From a nervous system and parts work perspective — specifically Internal Family Systems (IFS) — what you’re experiencing is often a form of self-protection. Parts of you that learned long ago that slowing down, staying small, or keeping everyone happy was safer than risking visibility, rejection, or change.

Here are a few familiar examples:

• “I know what I want, but I’m not ready.”
  (A part that overthinks to avoid risk.)

• “Let me do 10 other things first.”
  (A perfectionist part trying to control the outcome.)

• “I need to figure this out right now.”
  (Urgency as a mask for fear.)

• “This old thing doesn’t feel right… but I’ll say yes anyway.”
  (A scarcity pattern clinging to the familiar.)

• “This dream matters to me… but I haven’t touched it in weeks.”
  (Fear of being seen, fear of failing.)

These responses don’t mean something’s wrong with you. They mean something inside you is trying to keep you safe. What looks like resistance is often an old protective pattern, doing what it knows best.

The work isn’t to push harder or bypass it with more strategy. It’s to pause and listen. To meet the parts of you that are afraid, and the ones that are quietly craving more.

That’s what we do at The Turning Point, a 2-day immersive workshop experience in Ibiza on 6th and 7th of September for those navigating change — especially wellness practitioners, creatives, and sensitive leaders in transition.

We create space to move through stuckness with compassion and clarity. Through somatic work, Internal Family Systems, group process, and embodied coaching, you’ll reconnect to the part of you that already knows what’s next — and the courage to trust it.

This isn’t about fixing. It’s about re-listening. And remembering how to move again.